In 2012 one of my to-do’s was to start this blog. On January 4, 2012 I did just that. I thank everyone for being loyal readers, Facebook posters, and for your many words of encouragement and support. Beginning this online journal may not seem like a big deal for most, but sharing my very personal and intimate experiences and thoughts has, at many times, made me very vulnerable. This blog has removed some barriers that I had started to build, and the more I am willing to share the more CF loses its power and strength over me.
With the New Year and all the reflecting on 2012 and onward, I have of course thought a lot about my blog-not so much about the words but the messages that I am trying to convey to you. My intention of writing this for the world to see was to share insight into living with/being married to someone with a chronic disease. In doing that, I was also able to express myself in ways that I was otherwise not comfortable with. Some topics have been more serious than others; I know I’ve made some of you cry, which I never intend to do, but I also hope I have made you laugh. Most of all, I hope that I have provided you with understanding and new perspective on life’s surprises and the challenges it throws at you. And I hope that each of you knows how your support and love help Eamonn and me with each obstacle we face, big and small.
Over the past couple of weeks, I spent a lot of time rereading each of my posts. I am definitely my toughest critic. In looking back at my messages I realized something—I need to listen to myself more. It’s easy for me to write and tell you that you should not take each day for granted, that life is too short, and to appreciate each moment, but what about the hard part—to actually live by that advice. Though this is awkward, I want to publicly apologize to my readers for telling but not always doing. I wholeheartedly believe and stand by each of my posts but I now am challenging myself to do as I say—live and value each day because the “future is unwritten.”
The past week I have been thinking of quitting my blog. I know, I’m so dramatic! On top of feeling overwhelmed by school and work, I felt hypocritical as I was reading everything I have written. But, I have a lot more to say and share with whoever is willing to listen. All that I ask is that you challenge me just as I have you. If you keep on reading then I promise to keep on listening to and reflecting on my own words.